Tom's Last Year On Earth

Tom never went back to that mean ugly place... Tom's demeanor stayed more boyish/ childlike looking to Mom for love and security.  He had no problem giving himself to me to care for.

He was loving and appreciative as he also seen and was aware of the changes quickly unfolding day by day.  Through the pain of knowing I was losing him I kept my happy disposition, always looking on the bright side of what we still had.  That helped him and he was not afraid as he knew I was with him always... and I was.

Before he slipped into another world he told me every day and night that he loved his home, he loved his puppies, he loved his life and he loved me more than anything in the world and thanked God everyday for it all.

Tom was spared the lingering of existence in a world unknown to us... God took him home in a timely manner.  God is merciful... God is good.

Tom Was Called Home

May 11, 2013

Tommy went home today... to be with the lord.  The Lord gave me the privilege to love and care for him at home to the end.  When I started to stumble God said to me,  "it's time for you to rest my dear.  I'll take your Tommy home with me and keep him in my care."

God gave me peace at heart and strength to go on.  "Look what I have  waiting for you, they stood with you and support you till your job was done.  Loving you and your Tommy Boy and help holding you up in to end.

It is now their time to spend with you as you still have so much to give.  They have been waiting patiently for their life with you to begin.

Thank You Lord for the privilege to love and care for this gentle man.  He is at peace with you now and one day we will dance again.  I love you so much Tommy .

 Love your wife, lover, best friend... till the end.

April-June update

April & May ? .......  Tom's demeanor stays loving and kind.  The way he was till Alz. messed with him.  I am glad it passed and hope we don't go back there again.

Tom seldom sleeps at night so he'll sleep till 1pm most days.  He doesn't sleep because he just can't fall asleep or he is having leg pains most of the night and from time to time it is his teeth.  Never the less we watch a lot of late night movies, we have coffee-snack parties in the middle of the night and some nights I'm just to pooped so he deals with most of it on his own only waking me periodically to let me know what time it is and he still hasn't gone to sleep..... : )

Tom tells great stories of his busy life to all his telephone companions including his family.  Tom is aware what is going on with his brain.  What he doesn't know I don't tell him.

He found by making up stories about what people expect of him as a NORMAL person, they will call and talk a long time to him and treat him normal.  It's his only contact with the outside world.  He does NOT function well in the world outside the woods.

I told him it was okay with me and even add stuff for him to say sometimes.  He knows the difference except he doesn't know that all his ideas and intentions of things he "wants" to do will never happen.  He doesn't seem to be able  put his "things he wants to do " ideas into action therefore are fulfilled in his stories.  He seem to be content with that.

In the mean time I am learning to do more things I haven't done before... when I hit a wall I ask someone to give me a hand.  That doesn't seem to bother Tom either as he knows he doesn't know how and welcomes the help.

I Learned how to change the oil in the lawn mowers, change the blades on the rider (that went better after I figured out my righty tighty lefty loosey thing lol)  built benches (and he did help) put up shelves in his garage and organized all his stuff so people can see his stories are true.  He loves his garage... it's a life long dream fulfilled.

I do everything around here yet some days he doesn't understand why I am so tired... I don't have that much to do ...... geeeeZe!!!!  and if I mow but he wants me in the house with him he tells me the grass doesn't need mowing and I am going to wear out the lawn mower....lol  I guess calf high is still short in his world. lol

Yes he does not like me to be outside if he is sleeping or just sitting in the house.  Mostly when he isn't feeling well or had a bad night.  It is frustrating for me to be in the house on nice days when I have so much to do out doors and my inside chores are done. 

Not the golden years we planed BUT it is Gods plan and God is good!  I have my girls .. they keep me company. Lack of socialization is  hard at times. I love Tom and this is a conscious choice I've made to care for him.

We are in June now... Tom has been out and about more on his wheeler, talking to the loggers down the road and visiting his neighbor buddies. 

Tom's new dreams include trapping a wolf this winter if he is lucky enough to get drawn... we have a high population of wolves out here and they have no fear of humans.  Those who have conversations with him on that subject should realize that even though his enthusiasm is high about this it will only take place in his mind.  Just like all the beaver he traps and all the $$ he has made doing so.... It only took place in his world in his mind........

Whew... Hi March!

March is here..... February was a rough month.

Tom suffered headaches and dizziness for near two weeks from the concussion.
That lead into chronic leg pains followed by a virus which included a dry cough, gasping for air and a soar throat from hell.  This of coarse include no sleep day or night which of coarse leads to delusional behavior......

Yes it has been a trying month.  BUT we survived... came out the other end okay.
God is good.

March is looking like spring so our hopes are to get out in the garage and build shelves and just putz around out there together. 

I have to say there was a period of time in this disease when I felt heavy..... dealing with all the trials of this disease.  But today after this past month behind us... I feel lighter and I feel blessed to have be given the job of caring for Tom.

I realize after all the drama from his family and the huge support of mine and the enlightening of others.... this is a big job God has given me... an important one....

wow.... something to ponder.

Febuary Update

This past month once again has been good.  Tom is still in a good place... and there hasn't been any other changes in Tom.

Teddy came to visit as he was in Mn. for a short time.  This was exciting to us as we are pretty much hermits out here.

That evening while watching hockey together Tom fainted.  He hit his head on our concrete floor.  He was out less than a minute.

I, as did Teddy wanted to take Tom straight to the emergency room.  Tom refused.  So as second best I took his blood pressure, did a battery of tests to look for any sign of stroke etc.  He was just fine except for a splitting headache and dizzy.

Next day being Monday I called the clinic to get Tom in to see "his" Dr just to make sure.  His Dr wasn't in till the next day.  Nothing had changed with Tom as I kept a close eye for any indication something wasn't right.  Tom refuses to see anyone but HIS DR  whom he trusts.

Teddy left which I assumed was because Tom would be just sleeping / resting ... Not up to going for a ride or anything.   I knew Teddy was worried about Tom and wanted him to go in NOW.  But Tom is a big boy and can still make these decisions and needs to be respected as with anyone else.

IF something didn't seem right with Tom I wouldn't have given him a choice.  I told my daughter it was like telling Teddy NOT to get back on a bike as he has had 3 accidents and two should have clearly taken his life.  He will suffer the rest of his life with the damage those accidents caused to his body.  Does he listen to what we all who love him say?  No... he is a big boy and it's his life.

Needless to say Tom seen his own Dr the next day... He did a battery of tests to look for any weakness or neurological damage but seen none.  Blood pressure was great and the bump on the head looked good.

The Dr said I did just fine knowing what to look for.  That he didn't need to go in that night as he is clearly feeling better every day.  UNLESS something changes.  People faint everyday out of the blue... it's not alarming unless he does it often.

I love Tom with all my heart.  I do take care of him to the best of my ability... I have devoted my life to that.  It is a choice... and I have chosen to do so.

I'm sorry his family does not feel that way and question my care for him.  They have false ideas which they all conjured up between themselves without even knowing any facts.  The facts that I have openly shared are dismissed for their false beliefs.

WHY does this bother me?  Because I was looking to them for moral support.  Tom isn't an easy person with dementia to care for.  None of them really are but I try to see to it that he can live life to the fullest of his abilities and give up my life freedoms to do so.

It just hurts me ... that's all.  I don't want to care... but I do.

My New Years Wish For You...

I wish for you......

Happiness deep down within.
Serenity with each sunrise.
Success in each facet of your life.
Family beside you.
Close and caring friends.
Health, inside you.
Love that never ends.
Special memories of all the yesterdays.
A bright today with much to be thankful for.
A path that leads to beautiful tomorrows.
Dreams that do their best to come true.
Appreciation of all the wonderful things about you.

Cyn